The dance

The music made no sense to me, ecstatic as I was. The colors and shapes and people all blurred together in my head. I couldn’t eat or drink. Finally, the hour struck. I picked up the princess’s train, trying to keep my fingers from trembling. Thr trumpets sounded but were deaf to my ears. I tried to look interested in everything, but I had only eyes for Ben. We entered the main ballroom and I could hear clapping. I began scanning the faces of everyone, looking for him.
There, in the lineup of servants, he bowed to her. He was dressed in a deep blue that heightened his skin and a deep dark black coat that brought out his eyes. He looked stunning. We made eye contact and he bowed a fraction lower, his eyes simmering. I burned on the inside; just wanting to hold him, be safe in his arms, feel his lips on mine.
The princess reached the pedestal and I disconnected her train, bowing as she turned around. The prince came up to her and kissed her hand. I backed away slowly into the crowd of servants. My heart was thudding so hard in my chest I felt like even the king could hear it. I tried in vain to control it by slowing my breathing. I could pay no more attention to the goings on with Their Majesties.
The music started up again. Suddenly, he was there, taking my hand. He guided me around the dance floor, turning and careening, to and fro. We moved together as if we were the only people in the room, never ceasing, never looking away from each other. His eyes bored into mine and I felt as f he could see my very soul, every dark crevice as equal to him as if it shone as brightly as the rest. I wished he could see such, for that is how I wanted him to know me-every inch of me, every ounce of being, all the little things I tried to hide from the rest of the world and I wanted to know him in the same ways.
The music propelled us; sometimes spinning out of control, sometimes so slow it seemed time had stopped.
The music began to slow. Ben spun me around and brought me back, so that my back was to his front and he leaned down to kiss my neck, then my lips as the music stopped altogether. He held me close to him as the prince led the princess up to the pedestal.
“Lords and ladies, gentlemen and women, may I have your attention please. The princess and I would like to announce that we have decided to be married. She has graciously accepted my offer of marriage and I do love her so much that I wish nothing more than to marry her this very night, would she be so inclined.”
The princess launched herself into his arms. The people around us were clapping, hooting, cheering. But I was frozen. My very blood had stopped cold. If there had been anything in my stomach I would have retched. Ben squeezed my hand, but neither of us moved more than that.
My world was crumbling apart just when I had glued, pasted, and taped it back together.
When I started breathing again, everyone was dancing again around us, giving us curious glances as they twirled around us. Finally, I gained enough self control to pull Ben out to the courtyard. Once he started moving, he got ahead of me, storming to the doors. He threw them open so hard that they bounced back into the frames as soon as I had slipped through them.
Ben had gained several yards on me. He was squatting on his heels, his head in his hands.
My shoes clacked on the cobblestones as I walked towards him. A foot from him, he stood and spun, grabbing me and kissing me hard, as if he thought we’d never see each other again.
He broke apart and hugged me close, as if he wanted to absorb me into his body, keep me next to his heart, safe and warm and always there. I hugged him back just as tight, trying to memorize everything about this moment-every smell, every feeling, every fiber, and every sound. I closed my eyes and gave my attention to everything-the pine needle/horse/rain smell that swam around Ben, the soft satin of his coat, the feel of his arms around me, my ribs creaking with the force with which he crushed me to his chest, his breath in my ear, the soft patter of light rain on the stones, the music in the background.

uh oh..

I clenched my fists and stared at Jezzie. Her face was blank, her hand slowly lowering to her side. My cheek stung and I could feel the blood flooding my face, the pressure in my head so great I could’ve exploded, my eyes blurred with tears of rage.
“What are you going to do, Joella? Will you strike me back? Are you really going to strike your master? Do you dare? Do you really have the audacity?”
She grinned maliciously at me, knowing if I so much as raised a hand to strike her back, I would be exiled at the least. I could feel my fingernails digging into my palms, small droplets of blood creating rivulets down my fingers and puddling on the floor. If I did strike her, as my honor demanded, would be put to death.
But I had promises to keep.
So I ran.
I ran to my room, packed what I simply could not live without or leave behind and went down to the kitchens. No one was about so I took several canteens and a medium sized pack of bread, salted meat, and preserved fruits.
Making sure to avoid everyone I knew would hinder me, I made my way to the stables. Adding mule feed to my load, I saddled Brilda as quickly as I could. She threw her head and stomped, knowing I was distressed. Her eyes rolled and I calmed her the best I could, making sure to give herself some peppermints.
We rode as fast as she could go, not daring to stop for hours. When we finally did, I could think rationally again. I rubbed Brilda down then we both settled into the sand to eat a little bit. I needed to plan.
I had to find Ben, somehow. That was my ultimate goal. If I found Ben, everything would be alright.
To do so, I needed Jes, who was hard enough to find himself.
I knew any royalty, at any time, anywhere, would know where he was. So to find Jes, I needed a princess.
I needed Aurora or Snow.
My only problem was that I had no farsnarking idea where to go.
The desert was a valley, surrounded on all sides by ginormous mountains, extravagant ranges-in other words, my home. Or danger, whichever you want to call it.
I knew there mountains near the sea, the sun set behind the mountains of Boradia and rose over those in Ludrecka. Whether those mountains were the same as those engulfing me, I knew not.
I finally decided on riding north, where I new my birthplace to be, however clueless I was as to if this dismal place lay further north than Wypsteria, but I would have to try. Anything was better than staying here.
And so my journey began.

le gasp!

I watched another girl’s body being carried out of the palace. My hand clenched around the edge of the basket I held. I shifted it and patted the papers n my pocket, the marriage contract between Ben and I. I owed Snow and Aurora something fierce for that one, next time I saw either of them again. By their power alone was I staying alive.
I took my basket downstairs to the laundries. There was a tiny breeze today, breaking the stillness ever so slightly, especially downstairs, where all the windows were thrown wide open. Found Schezzie lurking about and caught her fast.
“Schezzie, love, what’s wrong?”
Her face was drawn, her eyes red. She set down the sheet she was mending and turned to face me. Her eyes were red and puffy. I dropped my load and ran to hug her.

I stood in the doorway, using that ancient servants’ technique of being completely invisible no matter how many people were in a room. Normally, they carried the bodies out at this time and I was terribly worried about Schezzie. I could see Koru in his sitting room. He would write several things, drop his quill, walk around his desk twice, pulling at his hair, then start all over again when he sat down.
Johan came down the stairs, carrying a bundle.
My heart fluttered and I willed Koru not to glance into the hallway, for fear he would drop dead of an apoplexy on the spot.
Then I saw that Johan was alone. He was carrying bedclothes.
The plan had worked.
I ran across the hall to Koru’s study, slamming the door behind me. He glanced up and reminded me

Snippets!!

This one is just liittle pieces wth no relevance really

“Joella, pray with me. Please.”
I couldn’t deny the look in his face. He took my hands in his and we both fell to our knees. Leaning our foreheads together, his breath whispered over my face.
“Father, we ask that you help us along this journey. Give us hope in the face of adversity. Let your light shine through us no matter how dark the night we walk in. Lord, give me strength to protect her, to watch over her, to provide everything for her. God, may she say yes.” I opened my eyes, staring at him through my eyelashes at this. “We thank you for the gifts you give us and ask that watch over our loved ones. Amen,” and he looked right back into my eyes. He squeezed my hands.
“Marry me, Jo.”
I was so taken aback I actually jumped. Shaking, I readjusted my hands within his and tried to say yes, but nothing came out. I finally nodded my head, crying all the while. Ben leaped backward into the air, giving a huge cheerful yell and causing a raucous. I stood up and grabbed him-he kept bouncing and parading around. He held me soundly and kissed me multiple times, smiling all the while.


I whipped my head up as I heard the clock's first strike. Gazing around frantically, I saw Cinderella rushing out the front door. I handed the platter I held to Stella and ran after her, just as the prince did.
"Cindy! Wait!"
She paused momentarily as the clock struck again. I almost stumbled down the steps to her. "Cinderella, you HAVE to tell the prince good night!"
She knotted her fists in the skirts of her gown. "Oh, must I?"
I slitted my eyes at her and said, "Just GO!" The clock struck again.

"Mama?"
The old kitchen maid turned around and I stared into my own brown eyes. She gasped and dropped the basket of fruit. I set down my laundry and ran to her. She held me tight and cried.
"Is it really you? My little Joella?"
I leaned back and looked into her face. She was still just as beautiful as ever


When everything falls apart
I’ll always come back to you
Even when I’m gone forever
I’ll come back to you,
Someway, somehow I will
Come Hell or high water
Ill come back to you
Even if you won’t take me
I’ll come back to you
Were you to refuse to take me in your arms
I’d still come back to you
But knowing I’m safe in your hold
Makes me always come back to you

“Joella, we have guests coming in two days. Please be sure the cooks are ready. The messenger sad something about apples, but for the life of me, I cannot remember what! Make sure there is an even number of apple dishes.”

I blinked incoherently at Jes. What he was saying made no sense
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, all of the current princesses are grown up and married. We’re sending you to work with a lord in Deckfloria for a time.”

Cinderella, dressed in yella, went upstars...and fell rightback down again

“Oh, for Heavens Cindy!”

                This child was bent on being the death of me. I shooed her back up the stairs and leapt down the last few steps, racing for the stables as I heard the third strike. Cindy’s driver was lounging outside with the hostlers and other coachmen.

                “Fernand! Cinderella has to leave NOW! Get the carriage!”

                He sped off and I waited there, trying to catch my breath.  One of the hostlers was looking at me curiously. I turned my head and actually looked at him and gasped.

                “Gustav!”

                I ran to my brother and hugged him tightly at the fourth strike. He was taller than me by at least a head. He looked very much like Papa had the last time I had seen him.  His hair was wavy and dark and his eyes were a deep brown. He had Mama’s nose and he smiled my own smile at me.

                “Can it really be you, my sister? I haven’t seen you since I was no more than a lad! Why, it was when Snow White was no more than nine, yes?”

                I nodded and hugged him tighter. It had been at least ten years since I had seen him. The clock struck again and I jumped back as Cindy’s carriage pulled up.

                ‘Gustav, I must fly! I will find you again, I promise!

I jumped onto the side railing and Fernand sped off.

Cindy was just turning away from the prince and rushing down the stairs as we pulled up. I jumped down and opened the door for her. I heard the clock strike again and looked at Cindy frantically; she was halfway down and struggling with one of her glass slippers. She started as the clock struck and down she went.

She rolled end of end down the steps of the palace. I could only stare, mouth agape, as she showed her bloomers to the prince and I. she landed at my feet on her rump. I yanked her up and nearly threw her into the carriage as the clock struck again.

“Go Fernand! Go with the wind!”

We blasted out the palace gates and down the road. Cinderella was red in the face. Her hair was rumpled and her dress was positively ruined.  I sighed.

‘Well, Cindy, did you enjoy yourself at least?”

Her face lit up like a ballroom. “Oh, Joella, yes! I had the most magnificent time! I danced with the prince the entire night! Oh, Joella, if you only knew! I’ve never had such fun!”

I noticed the carriage shrinking. Fernand pulled to a stop and ushered us from within. Cindy’s dress was diminishing, as were my clothes. Fernand livery was changing back to tatters. The carriage returned to its pumpkin size.

I picked up the pumpkin, took Fernand and Cindy each by an arm, and led them home.

The next day, all those damned step-sisters could do was nag nag nag about how the prince had kept his attention on one maiden all night! How dare he! I shook my head every time I heard this. Cindy was walking around positively glowing for another week at least.

A week after the ball, someone knocked loudly on the door calling, “Royal message for any maidens of the house!”

I opened the door. I gasped and hugged the man. It was none other than Gustav yet again!

“Joella! Whatever are you doing hugging the princes messenger? Get you dirty hands off of him!”

The step-mother’s voice shrilled at me from the staircase. I let go of Gustav and said, “Lady, my brother brings a message from the prince. It is for the young ladies of the house. Shall I call them?”

Her dark eyes bored into me. I resisted her. ‘No need,” she trilled, “they heard the summons. My daughters are on their way down.”

The girls came down and I motioned to Cinderella to stay in the doorway of the kitchen to listen.

Gustav cleared his throat and read: “By royal order of His majesty prince Cradley, each maiden who attended the royal ball a week past is to try on this shoe,” he pulled a glass slipper from his pocket,” and whomsoever fits it, shall be seen immediately by the prince. Further measure will be taken from there.”

I heard Cindy gasp as the shoe was brought into view. She nearly dropped her water bucket. Gustav marched inside and knelt before Consuella. She lifted her foot and placed it into the slipper. Her foot was much too long to fit inside such a dainty shoe. She huffed and ran upstairs. Gustav moved to Rosemarie. Her foot was extremely too fat to even get two toes in the shoe.

Gustav turned to me next. The stepmother sniffed. ‘Don’t be ridiculous sir! Joella did not attend the ball! She was home cleaning! I suggest you move on….”

“Mam’selle, I know my sister when I see her and I DID see her the night of the ball. She WAS there, therefore I MUST try the shoe on her.”

She huffed and left the room. I knelt down to Gustav and said, “Brother, you know it was not I who slipped the shoe. I was there, true, but, yon maiden in the doorway is the one who left the shoe, see? She has a bruise on her arm from toppling down the steps. Come and try the shoe Cindy.”

She set down her bucket and walked over to me, trembling. Gustav fitted the shoe on her foot perfectly. He gasped and jumped up.

‘I shall return in a moment!”

He ran out the door. I could see him at the carriage he had pulled up in. He opened the passenger door and talked to someone within. Then, he stepped aside and out came the prince in all his finery! I caught Cindy under the elbows to keep her from fainting.

Gustav came back in and bowed the prince inside. I heard a scream from upstairs. Rosemarie had been watching. The prince didn’t even flinch.

He took Cindy’s hand in his. “Dear maiden, can it be? Are you the fair lady I danced the night away with until you fled at midnight? Indeed it is! I recognize those eyes! I have come to ask you to marry me.”

This time I couldn’t catch her. She really did faint. The step mother fell against the wall as the prince went to one knee.

here comes the blushing....

It was bloody freezing. I gripped the balcony railing hard.

I had nowhere else to go. All the princesses were grown up and married now.

My job was done.

I felt a hollow, empty presence within myself. I didn’t know what to do with myself.  I looked up into the rain, letting it hit my face. Closing my eyes, I wished Ben were there beside me.

I stood that way for several seconds before I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned. It was Gustav.

“What are you going to do now, Joella?”

I looked down. “I wish I knew.”

He lifted my chin and smiled in the corner of his mouth.

“Listen sister. We have lived full adventurous lives, yes?”

I nodded and hugged him.

‘Well, tomorrow I return to somewhere. I liked it very much there. Perhaps she will take me back as a hostler. And who knows what else could happen?”

I leaned back and looked up at him. He had the wickedest grin on his face. I smacked his chest and said, “You’ve a sweeting there don’t you? Oh I knew it!”

His grin crossed his entire face. He leaned down and kissed my forehead. He brushed a curl behind my ear and said, “Oh, Jo, I do hope you get what you deserve. I really do.’ He kissed my forehead again and was gone.

I turned back to the railing, looking out over the palace grounds. I had run these grounds so many times! What was I to do now?

Again I wished for Benjamin.

I felt a shudder go down my spine. Someone was watching me. I turned and gasped.

It was Ben.

He was bedraggled and damp. Rather damp actually, as though he’d been riding for hours. He was leaning casually against the doorframe, his arms and legs crossed, smiling, and watching me. His hair hung in front of his green eyes, but I could see them perfectly fine. He was a vision in royal blue, the color he looked best in.

I took a deep breath and leaned against the railing, clutching my chest.  He bit his upper lip and started walking towards me. I couldn’t tell if he was crying or just wet. A chill ran over me again.

He seemed almost ethereal, walking towards me in the pouring rain. I’m not sure whether my breath came so fast and hard because he was here, he was walking towards me. Or that I was just going into shock from standing in the rain so long. 

The he touched me.

His fingers brushed my temple, dragging hair from my face. Electricity sparked over me, making my hair stand on end. I leaned into his hand, dying to know he was real, he was here with me.

“Oh, Joella, mi amour.”

I fell forward onto his chest and sobbed.

He held me close, his face in my hair. He smelled of horses and rain and pine needles, just like always. His arms held me tight, wanting to push me as close to him as possible.

I took my arms from between my chest and his and my fists pounded on his chest.

I was frustrated that he hadn’t written. I was mad at myself for not writing him. He grabbed my wrists and put them both in one hand, pinning them between our chests. I leaned into him again. His other hand lifted my chin.

His green eyes twinkled. The smile on his face hurt me to look at, so stunning it was. His hand moved from my chin to the base of my skull and he kissed me.

I kissed him back-hard.

He let go of my hands and I wrapped them around him. He took my head in his hands and pushed me closer. Then he pushed me away.

“Oh, Ben I’m sorry! I never meant to-“

He kissed me again to shut me up. One hand rested on my back. The other was suddenly on my legs, bending my knees. He swept my up and carried me inside.

He set me in the chair nearest the fire and threw another log in. He started to remove his livery.

‘Get out of the dress.

I stared at him incredulously. Really?

He continued stripping and looked back at me when he was down to his breeches.

“Do you WANT to get hypothermia, woman? Get out of the dress.

I supposed I was still stunned by his arrival. Slowly, I undid the ties in front. My hands were cold and stiff and I couldn’t undo the back lacings.

Suddenly, I found his hand over mine, undoing the lacings. His lips were at my neck as he did so, making me tingle. He moved my hair, holding it on top of my head, while he unclasped my jewelry. He then removed every single pin from my hair. My dress fell as my hair did, cascading down my bare back in waves of curls.

I heard Ben inhale behind me and his arms wrapped around em again. I turned and tore a blanket from the bed, wrapping it around his shoulders. We collapsed into the chair. I leaned my head against his chest, smelling him again.

Aurora waved goodbye to me, running alongside the carriage as fast as she could. I reached out and took her hand, tears filling my eyes. Her hand slipped and I sat back down. Ben reached down from the back of the carriage and kissed her hand.
"Adios, mi amiga!" he called. I heard her reply similarly from behind us. I poked my head out and looked back.
She was gone.
The days passed and each was hotter than the one before. The thick forest I had grown up in gave way to brush, and eventually to flat prairie, and then to nothing. I gasped at the landscape before me, hoping it would not be my new home.
"Ben?"
'Yes, my love?"
'Where are we?"
He sighed and removed his jacket. We had stopped to water the horses and to eat lunch. It was sweltering outside. I leaned back and spread out on the heat baked ground. Ugh, this place was indeed dismal.
"We're in the desert. They call this place Araticia. It is ruled by a sultan by the name of Jasvard. He has a niece named Jezzibel. They says he is very beautiful and possibly an enchantress."
"Oh? How do you hear all this gossip Ben? You're only a stable boy!'
He looked into the distance, towards his home. 'I have my ways."
"Pfft. is that where we're going?"
"Yes'm. To serve the princess 'til she's married."
I turned my head to gaze over at him better. He was splayed on his jacket. The reddish tones in his hair shone under the harshness of the sun. I knew i was going to burn badly if I stayed out here much longer. I jumped up and got back in the carriage. I opened all the windows and undid the top clasp of my dress.

Well well well

“Dear Ella, how conflicted I am! Tomorrow I marry the man of my dreams. This means I take on the duties of soon becoming queen. But how I will miss you and Benjamin! I will miss my home, my parents, Taleki, everything! Oh!”

And Aurora began to cry.

I was confused. I had never seen her so distressed and I saw no reason for it. She was barely a day’s ride from her parents, while I might never see my own mother again, and she was marrying the man of her dreams, something I could only ever imagine.

I hugged her and handed her a hankie. All I could really do was hold her while she cried. When she finally stopped sobbing, I took her hands and looked her straight in the eye.

“Aurora, chere, you must get over this. For one, you can certainly take Taleki with you. Charice’s home s no more than a day’s ride from here! As Ben and I, well, someone I love dearly once told me that we grow up, we make changes, a lot of which we may not like, but are necessary for the next chapter in our lives. This is one those changes, methinks. Eventually, I will see you again; I promise you this, mon chere.”

I hugged her tight, trying in vain to hide my own tears.

buh buh DUUUUH

“Joella, have you ever birthed a child before?”

I looked up at His Lordship, highly confused. The Ladyship was much past childbearing age and he did not seem the type to keep a mistress.

‘Well, yes, m’lord, many times. I’ve delivered a princess or two, one prince, and various other servants’ children. Why do you ask, begging your pardon?”

He brushed his chin with the end of his quill.  He was scrutinizing me with his dark eyes, but had a smirk on his face.

“Joella, can I swear you to absolute secrecy and ask for your help? I will reunite you with your Benjamin.”

My heart thudded in my chest. I took several deep breathes.  To have Ben again? To be held in his arms? It was irresistible.

“I’ll keep your secret. But I want to know what it is before I commit to it.”

Sometimes, my mouth gets ahead of my mind. It’s frustrating.

He inhaled and stood up. Opening his desk drawer, he pulled out a miniature, holding t out to me after glancing at for a moment. I took it and stared for a moment. The resemblance between the girl in the portrait and Lord Brathen was unmistakable. I looked back up at him, confused. She looked nothing like the Lady-her hair was dark with light eyes, whereas the Lady had bright blonde tresses and dark eyes.

“Who is she, m’lord?”

“She’s my eldest daughter.”

I dropped the portrait. Brathen sighed.

“Let me explain. I had a fling when I was young, before I met Matilde. She was beautiful, dark and captivating. I was madly in love with her. We…we eloped. No one knew about it. On our wedding night, we conceived a child. I was ecstatic. I wanted to announce our joy with the world!

“But sadly, Esmerle had lived a hard life. She was accused of witchcraft by the gypsy troupe I had stolen her away from. I did everything in my power to keep her from being trialed and executed. It was easier once she began to show, but she refused to say who had fathered her child, trying to protect me. They let her bear the child, but after that my power was useless. I watched as they burned her, disguised and holding my month old daughter.

“I secreted the child away, gave her to a wealthy family that had just lost a child. I made sure she was provided for, that her family came up in society so I could keep an eye on her. She married another lord. Matilde knows nothing about her, and she can’t. Mariana is near her due date, carrying my grandchild and I only want the best for her. Please, Joella, will you deliver the child?”

I sat down, astounded. He was almost pleading with me. I pushed my curls back from my face and gave him a stony look.

“You swear on your grandchild that you will reunite me with Benjamin?”

“I do, so long as the child is delivered safely.”

“Then I so swear to deliver your grandchild safely into this world.”

I stood and shook his hand, electricity running through me, my heart pounding as I struggled to control my breathing.

As soon as I could get away, I raced down to the kitchen. Johnny was making baby eyes at Red, trying to earn an extra sweet or two.

“Johnny! Please, run over to Miss Belle’s and tell her I need her help with a birth, not now, but soon.”

He tipped his hat, took a roll and a handful of sweets, gave Red a friendly bat on the bum, and sprinted out the door.

Ooh la-la!

Okay, basically, Iim going to be posting different snippets in different blog posts-itll help me keep track of things come next month, so really, they are all irrelevant to each other

I looked across the ballroom, my eyes barely glancing over the myriads of color and bouncing reflections of light. The extravagant gowns, the marvelous masks, all the glimmering and shimmering, none of it caught my eye for more than a few seconds.

                There, leaning casually against the wall chatting with other servants, an olive-skinned man, his green eyes bouncing around at the finery as mine were. He brushed his hair back, laughing, causing my heart to skip a beat. Our eyes met and we both jumped as if electrocuted.

I floated across the floor, the crowd seeming to part as we moved toward each other, our eyes locked on each others. He mouthed something and I heard it as if he had whispered it in my ear, even though we were still several lengths apart.

“Mon amora….”

My chest felt heavy. Time was hardly moving. The air was too thick for either of us to move through, much less breathe.

Here comes NaNo!!

"I hope your chair falls apart and someone throws an apple at your head."

“I hope your chair falls apart and someone throws an apple at your head!” Tesa yelled as she ran from the room.

I slapped my own forehead and muttered as I cleaned up the ink.

“Bothersome, incompetent, lazy, rude, ignorant beast of a princess! Ugh!”

I looked up and saw Ari in the doorway. She was hiding her smile behind her hand, listening to me curse Tesa to a lonely island with various other unpleasantries. She walked in and helped me clean up, pausing occasionally to admire something. I watched her, curious.

Ari was fascinated by everything. She used a fork to curl her hair the other day; a week ago I caught her marveling at the music box Eric gave her, then trying to twirl around the room, nearly breaking her face. She was also terribly maladroit – I could sympathize with that – and it was not unusual to hear something break only to discover she was behind it and was trying to put it back together, all the while looking at you with the sweetest face.

The girl wasn’t a normal princess, but we had been unable to figure out where she had come from. She had all the manners and figurative grace of a princess, but no one had responded to a missing princess when we sent the letters. Ari being mute, she could not tell us where she was from, but from pictures she has drawn and the way she reacts to the sea, we gather she is from a foreign island country.

She had painting a landscape the past few days, each day adding more and more detail to it. So far, she had created an elaborate castle, surrounded by seaweed and coral and fish. Yes, fish-not in the moat surrounding, but rather in the air around it. It was a beautiful painting, but it makes no sense! I have been examining it every day to try and figure out just what she means by it, but so far have gathered nothing.

Acceptance, Sound of Madness, Purple Wall

Purple Wall

I've hidden behind a purple wall
For what seems like forever
I kept my deepest secrets,
my darkest shadows,
safe behind my wall,
hidden there with me.

I was coaxed out,
unintentionally, but still.
I wandered out,
ventured around.
I shared my secrets
not knowing what to think.

I gave everything I had
just for something
that didn't need me in the first place.
I said everything,
listened to everything,
ready to give up all I had.

After all of that, I'm expected to move on
just like that?
I put everything down
Now I'm picking it back up alone
When I thought you would at least give me a hand with the pieces.

So I'll go back behind my purple wall
And stay there, where I'm meant to be
Where everyone expects me to be
Why try if I'm the only one with effort?

Purple walls surround me,
You can try to just get past,
But I will not let you in willingly
I guard my box of secrets
my cage of shadows
So no one ever sees them
And I try not to look

Sound of Madness

I'm staring up at the sky
The way we used to do on the playground
reaching for the clouds
As you pushed me higher on the swings
Our games of tag
Long ago forgotten
The way you looked at me was the sound of madness

And now the sound of madness to me is something else
It echos in my head
Like the ringing in your ears after a concert
It grinds against my brain
Like old worn clock gears
Filled with dirt and grime

I'm running through the snow
beneath the tree where we used have meetings
And called little Julian "Piggy"
My hands and feet are numb
from a much loved snowman
Your hands trying to warm up mine
Is the sound of madness

And now the sound of madness to me is something else
It echos in my head
Like the ringing in your ears after a concert
It grinds against my brain
Like old worn clock gears
Filled with dirt and grime

I'm doing flips around the bar
for the ramp for our old building
Until I got to tall to do them and bust my head on the cement
In class just waiting for summer
To have our carefree days
spent in the shade at the park
The barest hint of a breeze
the sound of madness in my ears

And now the sound of madness to me is something else
It echos in my head
Like the ringing in your ears after a concert
It grinds against my brain
Like old worn clock gears
Filled with dirt and grime

I'm laying here awake
The way we used to do
Beneath the stars
Even when we knew we had to be up early again tomorrow
I smile when I remember
When your voice was the sound of madness to me
We talked about everything
And I could've listened to you talk for days

And now the sound of madness to me is something else
It echos in my head
Like the ringing in your ears after a concert
It grinds against my brain
Like old worn clock gears
Filled with dirt and grime

we're sitting in the car
singing at the top of our lungs
Out of tune and off key
But who cares?
Pictures run through my head
Of all our times
Songs we sang, the sound of madness

And now the sound of madness to me is something else
It echos in my head
Like the ringing in your ears after a concert
It grinds against my brain
Like old worn clock gears
Filled with dirt and grime

Acceptance

grant me patience to accept all the things I cannot yet achieve.

I'll take you in your battered form
Or even when you are a full-plumed peacock,
Showing off, strutting your stuff
making everyone laugh and glowing with that pride
the ways I love you best

  You'veaccepted
That I would rather
Wear steel toe boots
Than a pair of high heels

You just grin
when I wear
my favorite Mario Kart shirt
while we play Ghostbusters on Lego rock Band

You don't laugh
At the fact that I write
and write and write and write
and then I go and read

it doesn't bother you in the least
that my favorite piece of jewelry
is a charm bracelet with a basketball
a penguin i find so funny
The faith my coach instilled in me
or a luck charm, a shamrock
given to me by someone i love dearly, just not the way i love you

my taste in music and movies
  doesn't irk you in the least
my experiments in baking
you really enjoy
and the fact that i would rather
spend a Christmas bonus
at Barns and Noble
than at Zales 

A couple of poems! (Circles, An Okay Crazy, Something I' Can't Pronounce)

Couple of little poem-type things I wrote for your entertainment/my sanity!

This one is called Something I Can't Pronounce

I don't even know how to feel anymore

Because what I'm feeling now has me so confused

I'm wrapped in an ecstasy I can't even begin to pronounce.

I get chills at just a thought

Moths flutter in my insides

Not butterflies, no,

Because the fluttering is broken

Like I'm beginning to accept it

That this is my twisted fairytale

The one I've always dreamed of

even written about

I get weak when I think of it

Then I can't think at all

And I don't know what to do

Except to talk to you

Awaking in the phantom grip

Of your arms each day

Makes my heart race

And my head hurt a little bit

And all I can do is lay there and let it pass

My joints feel like jelly

And I can't even stand

But I don't care

Because it feels so marvelous

And I'm drugged

With an ecstasy I can't even begin to pronounce.

 An Okay Crazy

Lying in the dark

Can't sleep

My hair stands up on end

IdiosynCRAZIES

I wonder if you've noticed.

Remembering scars,

I miss you.

What I hear

Makes me think of you

But I see my best friend

In a white prom dress

And I remember

What the four of us

Discovered that day

That changed everything.

My thoughts go back to you

"Makes no sense at all,

Makes no sense to fall,

Falling in love".

Can't see what

Made you fall

-I'm so screwed up

I'm a work in progress-

Have to let the paint dry

Before you can fix the mistakes.

So long I kept to myself

And now I have

More than I could have ever

DREAMED?!?!

I'm even more insane

But I think this is an alright crazy

I'm scattered again

Can't get straight

Even though

I'm the only one!

Just want to see you

So far away

But I'm addicted anyway

And I'm jonesing bad right now

Circles


Circles and circles
Is that what I see or what I'm doing?
My back aches, my stomach hurts
I feel numb
But I feel fine
I'm not upset, I'm not falling
I feel...odd
Which is saying something
Because, well, it's me
Don't ask me what
Because I don't even know
I just know it's Chaos
Anari, Rommel
Music pounds around my head
Earth moves beneath my feet
Circles and Circles
in my head
Is it just my changes
that have brought this on?
I feel disconnected
Like I'm sitting outside
Watching my body live
But my essence is floating around
Hmm.
People wonder why I have so many characters?
They are my different shades,
A bit like my muses
I absorb and become them whenever I want
Circles and circles!
I'm lost
But eventually I'll find an end
Once I can feel again
Or even just understand
the meaning of circles

And that's all for today!!