Here comes NaNo!!

"I hope your chair falls apart and someone throws an apple at your head."

“I hope your chair falls apart and someone throws an apple at your head!” Tesa yelled as she ran from the room.

I slapped my own forehead and muttered as I cleaned up the ink.

“Bothersome, incompetent, lazy, rude, ignorant beast of a princess! Ugh!”

I looked up and saw Ari in the doorway. She was hiding her smile behind her hand, listening to me curse Tesa to a lonely island with various other unpleasantries. She walked in and helped me clean up, pausing occasionally to admire something. I watched her, curious.

Ari was fascinated by everything. She used a fork to curl her hair the other day; a week ago I caught her marveling at the music box Eric gave her, then trying to twirl around the room, nearly breaking her face. She was also terribly maladroit – I could sympathize with that – and it was not unusual to hear something break only to discover she was behind it and was trying to put it back together, all the while looking at you with the sweetest face.

The girl wasn’t a normal princess, but we had been unable to figure out where she had come from. She had all the manners and figurative grace of a princess, but no one had responded to a missing princess when we sent the letters. Ari being mute, she could not tell us where she was from, but from pictures she has drawn and the way she reacts to the sea, we gather she is from a foreign island country.

She had painting a landscape the past few days, each day adding more and more detail to it. So far, she had created an elaborate castle, surrounded by seaweed and coral and fish. Yes, fish-not in the moat surrounding, but rather in the air around it. It was a beautiful painting, but it makes no sense! I have been examining it every day to try and figure out just what she means by it, but so far have gathered nothing.

Acceptance, Sound of Madness, Purple Wall

Purple Wall

I've hidden behind a purple wall
For what seems like forever
I kept my deepest secrets,
my darkest shadows,
safe behind my wall,
hidden there with me.

I was coaxed out,
unintentionally, but still.
I wandered out,
ventured around.
I shared my secrets
not knowing what to think.

I gave everything I had
just for something
that didn't need me in the first place.
I said everything,
listened to everything,
ready to give up all I had.

After all of that, I'm expected to move on
just like that?
I put everything down
Now I'm picking it back up alone
When I thought you would at least give me a hand with the pieces.

So I'll go back behind my purple wall
And stay there, where I'm meant to be
Where everyone expects me to be
Why try if I'm the only one with effort?

Purple walls surround me,
You can try to just get past,
But I will not let you in willingly
I guard my box of secrets
my cage of shadows
So no one ever sees them
And I try not to look

Sound of Madness

I'm staring up at the sky
The way we used to do on the playground
reaching for the clouds
As you pushed me higher on the swings
Our games of tag
Long ago forgotten
The way you looked at me was the sound of madness

And now the sound of madness to me is something else
It echos in my head
Like the ringing in your ears after a concert
It grinds against my brain
Like old worn clock gears
Filled with dirt and grime

I'm running through the snow
beneath the tree where we used have meetings
And called little Julian "Piggy"
My hands and feet are numb
from a much loved snowman
Your hands trying to warm up mine
Is the sound of madness

And now the sound of madness to me is something else
It echos in my head
Like the ringing in your ears after a concert
It grinds against my brain
Like old worn clock gears
Filled with dirt and grime

I'm doing flips around the bar
for the ramp for our old building
Until I got to tall to do them and bust my head on the cement
In class just waiting for summer
To have our carefree days
spent in the shade at the park
The barest hint of a breeze
the sound of madness in my ears

And now the sound of madness to me is something else
It echos in my head
Like the ringing in your ears after a concert
It grinds against my brain
Like old worn clock gears
Filled with dirt and grime

I'm laying here awake
The way we used to do
Beneath the stars
Even when we knew we had to be up early again tomorrow
I smile when I remember
When your voice was the sound of madness to me
We talked about everything
And I could've listened to you talk for days

And now the sound of madness to me is something else
It echos in my head
Like the ringing in your ears after a concert
It grinds against my brain
Like old worn clock gears
Filled with dirt and grime

we're sitting in the car
singing at the top of our lungs
Out of tune and off key
But who cares?
Pictures run through my head
Of all our times
Songs we sang, the sound of madness

And now the sound of madness to me is something else
It echos in my head
Like the ringing in your ears after a concert
It grinds against my brain
Like old worn clock gears
Filled with dirt and grime

Acceptance

grant me patience to accept all the things I cannot yet achieve.

I'll take you in your battered form
Or even when you are a full-plumed peacock,
Showing off, strutting your stuff
making everyone laugh and glowing with that pride
the ways I love you best

  You'veaccepted
That I would rather
Wear steel toe boots
Than a pair of high heels

You just grin
when I wear
my favorite Mario Kart shirt
while we play Ghostbusters on Lego rock Band

You don't laugh
At the fact that I write
and write and write and write
and then I go and read

it doesn't bother you in the least
that my favorite piece of jewelry
is a charm bracelet with a basketball
a penguin i find so funny
The faith my coach instilled in me
or a luck charm, a shamrock
given to me by someone i love dearly, just not the way i love you

my taste in music and movies
  doesn't irk you in the least
my experiments in baking
you really enjoy
and the fact that i would rather
spend a Christmas bonus
at Barns and Noble
than at Zales 

A couple of poems! (Circles, An Okay Crazy, Something I' Can't Pronounce)

Couple of little poem-type things I wrote for your entertainment/my sanity!

This one is called Something I Can't Pronounce

I don't even know how to feel anymore

Because what I'm feeling now has me so confused

I'm wrapped in an ecstasy I can't even begin to pronounce.

I get chills at just a thought

Moths flutter in my insides

Not butterflies, no,

Because the fluttering is broken

Like I'm beginning to accept it

That this is my twisted fairytale

The one I've always dreamed of

even written about

I get weak when I think of it

Then I can't think at all

And I don't know what to do

Except to talk to you

Awaking in the phantom grip

Of your arms each day

Makes my heart race

And my head hurt a little bit

And all I can do is lay there and let it pass

My joints feel like jelly

And I can't even stand

But I don't care

Because it feels so marvelous

And I'm drugged

With an ecstasy I can't even begin to pronounce.

 An Okay Crazy

Lying in the dark

Can't sleep

My hair stands up on end

IdiosynCRAZIES

I wonder if you've noticed.

Remembering scars,

I miss you.

What I hear

Makes me think of you

But I see my best friend

In a white prom dress

And I remember

What the four of us

Discovered that day

That changed everything.

My thoughts go back to you

"Makes no sense at all,

Makes no sense to fall,

Falling in love".

Can't see what

Made you fall

-I'm so screwed up

I'm a work in progress-

Have to let the paint dry

Before you can fix the mistakes.

So long I kept to myself

And now I have

More than I could have ever

DREAMED?!?!

I'm even more insane

But I think this is an alright crazy

I'm scattered again

Can't get straight

Even though

I'm the only one!

Just want to see you

So far away

But I'm addicted anyway

And I'm jonesing bad right now

Circles


Circles and circles
Is that what I see or what I'm doing?
My back aches, my stomach hurts
I feel numb
But I feel fine
I'm not upset, I'm not falling
I feel...odd
Which is saying something
Because, well, it's me
Don't ask me what
Because I don't even know
I just know it's Chaos
Anari, Rommel
Music pounds around my head
Earth moves beneath my feet
Circles and Circles
in my head
Is it just my changes
that have brought this on?
I feel disconnected
Like I'm sitting outside
Watching my body live
But my essence is floating around
Hmm.
People wonder why I have so many characters?
They are my different shades,
A bit like my muses
I absorb and become them whenever I want
Circles and circles!
I'm lost
But eventually I'll find an end
Once I can feel again
Or even just understand
the meaning of circles

And that's all for today!!